More and more I keep making “locked” posts … Pretty sad. I used to not lock anything on my blog … Tonight, again, Alan and I got into a fight. He makes me feel guilty for wanting a break (like, an hour mind you) from Xander. Today Xander was very much in play with me mode, he didn’t want to be put down and I to do such things like, use the bathroom, or eat lunch … We played all day … It’s hard coming up with entertainment for a 5 1/2 month old you know? Especially since the DVD player isn’t working right and I can’t figure it out. So, we played … Alan came home, plopped on the couch, and proceeded to play GTA. I was installing Sims on the pooter and Xander was in his playpen (for a few minutes, maybe 5?) Xander starts fussing, and I ask Alan to play with him for a little bit so I can finish installing Sims. He ignores me … this continues on for a couple more minutes and Alan finally picks up Xander. Plays with him for 5 minutes, puts him on his lap, and continues playing GTA. Xander doesn’t go for that of course, so Alan begrudgeingly (sp?) plays some more with him. Then, goes back to his game. Xander’s had it by now – and starts crying. Alan ignores him for a couple minutes. I’m like, Alan – he just wants to play with you! Alan gets mad, finally picks up the baby and walks around a little with him. 10 minutes or so go by and Alan had to “do something” so he plops Xander into my lap and I guess goes to the bathroom. Comes back, sits down, WITH A SUBWAY SUB FROM HIS CAR and starts playing GTA. WTF?? So, I give him a nasty look and I try to nurse Xander because he seems cranky and tired, (he comfort nurses, get off my back about it), but he just wiggles around. So, I decide it’s time to cook dinner. (Alan didn’t eat his sub, he just took it out to piss me off). So, I grab a box meal, make it, put it in the oven, set the timer and Alan says something, I don’t even remember what it was, and I grab my keys and walk out. I hear him saying “Fine! Just runaway” .. I went to Conny’s house for a couple hours. I called him when I got there to let him know where I was *sucker* and it had been over 45 minutes and he heard the oven beep and ignored it. I was suprised to come home a couple hours later to a non-burned dinner. I came home around 1030 to Xander screaming in his crib. Alan hadn’t done any bedtime routine with him, he didn’t have a bath, he wasn’t even in pj’s .. just in his onesie of the day SCREAMING. I pick him up and calm him a little and try to change him into pj’s but he starts screaming again. No dice – just nurse … So, I nursed him, he fell asleep around 11. Woke up again around 1130 but I just gave him some gas drops and rocked him a little and put him back in his crib and he fell back asleep. Alan went to bed around 1130 – and the door is closed. The air is on, and it vibrates the window in our room when the door is shut. So, it’s gotta be annoying. I guess this means I’m not allowed in there? I have no idea where the dog is either … Guess I have to clean off the couch …. Damn bastard. I have a “mental health” appointment on Wednesday …. Doesn’t mean it will change anything. I will be put on some drug that is meant to “cure” me and what I really need is my husband to get off his ass and take responsibility. I really hate my life … Sometimes I just want to pack up my stuff and my son and just … leave. He doesn’t seem to want us around anyway. Xander is a bother to him it seems, and I am just supposed to cook and clean and give him ass whenever he wants it. I can barely drag myself out of bed each day …
So, the other day while we (Alan and I) were eating Sunday brunch at the Galley I had this idea right? Xander was trying to get my ice cream and so I was like “Hey! Y’know what would be handy? Breast Milk Icecream! That way, babies could eat it!” – Alan and I had a good laugh (because, you know, it was a JOKE) – but our friend who was sitting with us was totally grossed out. Ahh well, can’t make em all laugh eh? I guess only a boob-nazi would find that amusing.
Moving along … None of my friends won Idol, so that kinda sucks. But the girl that I didn’t want to win 1st got 2nd – so that works. I really didn’t want her winning first I’m sucha beotch Other then that the “July 1st” celebration was kinda lame. Got some pancit and lumpia, Alan led the parade w/his flaggers, and that was that. We watched the fireworks from our back porch. They were neat at least.
Then Saturday we drove to Ikea and Portugal. But, it sucked – so I’m not talking about it
Then Monday we drove to Marbella. Ooohhh .. Marbella! This place is SO POSH! There’s designer stores (D & G, Versace ..) and restaurants of all different countries (Lebanese, Indian, Greek …) – and tons of yahts, and Rolls-Royce’s, BMW’s and Bently’s all lined up in front of the beautiful beach (on the Med mind you!) OOOH, beautiful!! Everyone was wearing the uber in style gypsy skirts (that I am trying to get in my size from gypsy markets for way cheaper) … We ate at TGI Fridays (Alan’s fav restaurant). But I hope we can get back there …
Today Jayme and I took Xander to the beach in Rota and walked the boardwalk and ate (Gazpacho) at this little place right on the beach. It was calming listening to the ocean It’s really pretty out there, the base just sucks, the beach is pretty
So, that was my weekend, how was yours?
I guess I’m a bad mom, I really wanted to sleep until … well .. ELEVEN or something this morning, because, you know, “Daddy” took leave for a couple days so he’s not working today. So, when Xander woke up at 7:30am I handled him until 8am, then got him to “sleep” and put him back in his crib. And I told “Daddy” that I really wanted to sleep. Xander didn’t want to come in bed and snuggle, I tried that at 7:30. So, he wakes up 10 minutes later, and I groan and am like, okay, can I have the morning off a bit? Alan groans of course, but goes in, and comes back into the bedroom every 5 minutes it seems (meanwhile, I’m trying to GET SOME SLEEP). So finally, he comes back in and I hear the charming (but overused) theme song to Baby Mozart and the *bounce bounce SPRING* of the Jumparoo. Alan’s back in bed, baby’s with the “baby sitter” as we like to call it. Fine, but after a half hour (as it always does) Mozart loses it’s charm and Xander is whining. So, Alan goes to get him, and I say (as a martyr would) “Oh, just bring him to me and I will snuggle [nurse and try and get to sleep] him.” – so he does, without checking why ELSE might a BABY be whiney. He had a dirty (ew!) diaper of course. But, Alan brought him to me, and I tried to nurse him on both sides, with him squirming and moving all over … so after about 5 minutes of nipple-olympics I give up and pick him up to take him to the rocking chair and I notice the normal “dirty diaper” smell. I change him, and now he’s a happy (mind you awake) boy. So, right now we’re still watching Mozart (because I didn’t feel like turning it off) and Xander is happily rolling (for now) in his play pen with some animals and I have some net time. Alan doesn’t realize that all he wants is to be able to look up and see one of us “hanging out” with him. He doesn’t realize it’s not about him anymore, it’s about the baby. And I do it every single day, and I just wanted a couple hour break today. But no …. that’s too hard for him. He “works” and goes to class everyday … I love being a mom, I love Xander, but everyone needs a BREAK sometimes. Everyone tells me to “just have him take the baby for a couple hours” or they say “he needs to help you!” but they don’t realize that HE WON’T!! So, I drink, and I cry and I want to go home and NOT COME BACK ….. I just need a break, and it’s sometimes (most of the time) easier when Alan isn’t around because when he IS around I hope/think he’s going to help (damn eternal optimist) and when he doesn’t I resent him SO much, but when he’s not around he can’t obviously help me. Sure his life changed when the baby came, a new annoyance came into his world to attempt to make him get off his ass and do something (god, ANYTHING??) but as far as late nights? night feedings? getting the baby back to bed at 4am when he just woke up at 2am (and then again at 5:30am) … He’s got it so easy. And I know this was my choice, and I knew it would be hard, but my stupid ass thought that my HUSBAND, you know, that would be DADDY would help more. Guess I’m just an idiot ….
Ugh, I’m still waiting for my computer to be back. Alan attempted a re-format the other day “on just drive C” and all the stuff on drive I is missing now. So, I’m using the other harddrive … and we’re waiting on our friend, Vinnie, to come back from leave and hopefully help us out by restoring the files. UGH! So, that’s why I haven’t responded to many emails and haven’t updated my website or anything. Because I am using webmail and it sucks.
On another note, Xander is trying to crawl, it’s really funny …
Another note, got my PL candle information to become a consultant, gotta send it back in … money! whee!
Well, the “Finalists” for Andalucian Idol have been listed. And Tascha isn’t on it. I know why of course, it’s because she’s GOOD and she was consistantly GOOD. She was a threat to the “one” the judges want to win. There are two people on the Finalists list I just plain DO NOT agree on. And one that’s questionable. The questionable one knew she’d be a finalist I think though. She was pretty “intoxicated” at my party on Saturday and was talking about how nervous she was because she had to sing on July 1st (for the Finals). Now, how did she know she was a finalist, they weren’t listed until Monday. The VOTES weren’t tallied until Monday. How’d she know? She works with one of the judges of course … Now, I’m not saying she didn’t put on a good show, it just shows how RIGGED this competition is that’s all. Tascha should’ve been a finalist. PERIOD. But, that’s MWR for you …. RIGGED! RIGGED! RIGGED! RIGGED!