Mommy’s Gone Wild

I actually got to go OUT with some friends the other night to the local “watering hole” (where I drank only water of course, lol). I did some karaoke and mostly just people watched. I love to people watch because there are some wacky people out there that are just demanding to be snarked on. Saturday night was no different.

We (five of us) were sitting at a table near a BIG group of men and women (we’re talking like 15+). There seemed to be a mix of both married types and single types (I’d hope judging by their actions, lol). There seemed to be a severe lack of brassieres among the women though. There were some wearing strapless tops and some wearing almost semi-formal dresses (and one wearing a belly-bearing hippy style dress). It was almost as if these chicks had never been to a hometown, hole-in-the-wall style bar before!

One girl who clearly had an engagement ring and a wedding ring on kept showing off her floppy mommy-boobies too. It was kinda gross seeing as though they weren’t very nice to look at. She wasn’t exactly a “small” girl either. She kept dancing with the other girls in her group and really making a fool of herself. She’s not going to like herself very much in the morning.

So okay … I realize that a lot of mom-types never get to go out very often. But when you do get that rare chance here are some rules of the road:

  1. Wear a bra! They make strapless ones that work well underneath strapless tops. No one wants to see your mommy-boobies flopping in the wind.
  2. Keep the “girls” in your top. This goes with the first rule – no one wants to see your floppy mommy-boobies, especially if they are flopping in the wind (or sitting on the pool table).
  3. Don’t freak dance too hard with all your girlfriends. You just end up looking like a total fool. No one freak dances anymore anyway – especially at a bar that plays a lot of country music. How the hell do you freak dance to country music!?
  4. If you are obviously married don’t act like a ho. You just look like .. well, a ho when you do that.
  5. And, my personal favorite rule – one that I’ve personally had experience with – if the rum you ordered comes in a bucket with 10 straws do NOT drink it ALL yourself! Get a few friends to help you drink it. Believe me – people will take pictures of you and post them on Facebook looking like a drunkin’ ho-ho.

If you’re a mom-type just have some class. At some point your children will have Facebook accounts and they WILL find the photos.

“Mommy – why are your boobs sitting on the pool table?”

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