Danger Will Robinson! Danger!

This was the subject line on the email I received from my landlord this morning (er, last night?).

unauthorized cat on premises/ immediate removal

I have to admit – I got scared for a sec. But then I remembered; my cat (Faith – a three year old de-clawed, indoor cat) is written into the lease. I paid the pet fee for both her and my nine year old Labrador. Her name “Faith” and her details are written into the lease!

Here is the rest of the email:

Mr. & Mrs. Bradnt,

As you are aware,  You  are not allowed to have any cats on the property at all. I drove by today and I  have seen a cat on the premises (in the window) !! You informed me that you did have a cat at your previous address  but, due to it’s damaging of the property that you were not bringing it to this property, that is a not true  .The owner does not want any cats at all on the property! Therefore, Immediately remove this cat from the premises! You have only been tenant’s for now close to 3 weeks and I have had to have you clean the front yard of numerous items that were just thrown on the side of the home (reported by neighbors as a eyesore) and now this. The property was in great shape when you moved in and the owner and myself want it to remain the way you received it. Also, I have not received the checkin walkthrough from you that was due 5 days from your check in date. Please bring it in immediately and I will get you a copy for your records. I do have pictures before you moved in for my records . I will be doing a interior and exterior  inspection of the property after the holidays to make sure that the cat is removed and there is no damage because of the cat. I will also check the  condition of the proprty since you took occupancy . I will contact you to the date and time of the inspection. It will not be until after January 1, 2011. If you have any questions please dont hesitate to call me or e/mail.

That’s completely unedited. Now, yes – we had trash (broken down boxes, and a bed frame) on the side of the house because my idiot husband never called bulk pickup to come get it. Then he had to go “overseas” for a couple weeks. SO, he isn’t here. I threw the boxes into the backyard. Monday my friend and I are taking them to the dump.

I didn’t realize that my idiot husband never turned in the walk-through paperwork. I guess I have to find that now and turn it in.

My idiot husband has been dropping the ball a LOT lately. I can’t even kick him in the face because he is in fucking Afghanistan!

I want to sell his motorcycle and buy a maid.

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